With the Maverick's pocket-sized drill, John won't have to ask Congress' permission or worry about any tree-huggers finding out. He can pretty much drill whenever and wherever he wants. Finding oil, of course, is not guaranteed. Neither is preserving the environment. But if John wants to drill, the man can now drill.

Actually, none of the above.

It's the economy, stupid. And, since the fundamentals of the economy are, in fact, quite strong, a little bolstering here are there is all that's needed. This hanger is the perfect mini-scaffold to be applied in an emergency to prop up the occasional failing bank, investment brokerage, or Medicare program.

Making radiation detectors affordable and ubiquitous is a great first step in accomplishing that goal. Mr. McCain and his followers can lead the way by proudly carrying and using their new pocket-sized Geiger counters.

The pry bar can be used to pull down old photographs from the Oval Office walls, to remove all of the "W" keys from White House keyboards, or to fend off George, Laura and the kids when they come back to claim some souvenir towels.

Using his Maverick mini-butane lighter to send smoke signals, President McCain can now rely on one of the most time-proven methods of communication.

As a special bonus, when pending conservative legislation needs an extra push on Capitol Hill, this butane lighter can also be used to light a fire under the seats of stubborn Democrats.

He's also stated that an annual salary of five million dollars should define the cutoff between the middle class and the upper class, when he probably meant something closer to four.

As president, Mr. McCain will need to address all of these issues as well as to perform other simple math calculations, often without access to a calculator or a trusty aide. The Maverick's abacus is the perfect tool to help John out in just such a pinch.

The pocket defibrillator is an attractive add-on option to the Maverick. It comes pre-charged for one emergency resuscitation and can be easily operated by the knife's owner or by a nearby trustworthy Vice President.

As a frequenter of many small-town carnivals, State Fairs and the like, President McCain will no doubt find many opportunities to "put lipstick on a pig." The Maverick lipstick tool comes in an attractive shade of Republican Red and includes three replacement cartridges for those times when multiple swine are encountered simultaneously.

While we're not big proponents of lending a pocket knife to a friend or co-worker, this tool can also be used by Vice President Sarah Palin. Palin is, of course, a self-proclaimed lipstick-wearing pit bull who will be traveling frequently with President McCain and may find her makeup in need of a quick touch up.